We just shared an epic New Years weekends down at the farm with over 50 close family and friends. I feel so fortunate to have such wonderful people to share life with. While spending some time with my grandfather this weekend, he said, “It is like heaven on earth here. We get to spend time with all of our family and friends and we are so blessed. And the best part of it is that we can get everyone together and no one ever fights.” After reflecting on that statement, I thought about how unnecessary it is to bicker with friends and family yet so many do it continuously. Here are a couple things that come to mind about bickering with loved ones:
1) Expect to give more than your fair share in relationships. Just expect that you will need to give a little more, be a little more patient and go the extra mile. That’s life, get over it.
2) Seek to understand first, then to be understood. This effective habit changes the entire way that you view the world. When you try to see a situation from a point of view that is not your own it is much easier to get a long with others.
3) The hard stuff is the good stuff. The sooner it sinks in that everything worthwhile in life is hard, the sooner you can embrace struggle with a smile on your face. Relationships are not easy, but they are one of the greatest gifts in life. Don’t quit just because it gets hard.
4) Major on the majors. One of Warren Buffets habits of happy people is to “Ignore Nonsense”. Focus on the major items and learn to let the little things go.
5) Become aware of how selfish you are. This one is a tough pill to swallow but we all need to hear it. Unless you develop awareness around your selfish tendencies, you will go through life thinking that everyone in the world is always mistreating poor little you. You need to be aware that your bickering affects everyone around you negatively. Just remember that the smallest package in the world is someone wrapped up in themselves.
6) Don’t be afraid to apologize. It doesn’t mean that you were wrong (because it’s not about right/wrong), it simple means that you are mature enough to make a sacrifice for the good of the relationship.
Unconditional love is caring about the happiness of another person without giving any thought for what we might get for ourselves. If you have a relationship in peril, I challenge you to use the New Year as an opportunity to clean it up. Life is too short not to.