A few weeks ago I had a limbic encounter with my 4 year old daughter Liza. We were watching a movie together when I realized that it was almost her bed time. Realizing what time it was, I paused the movie and told Liza that it was time to get her pajamas on and start her bedtime routine. What started as a simple negotiation turned into Liza losing her temper. As I walked her into her room she turned around and screamed an emotional “NO.” As the limbic part of her brain kicked into full gear I felt mine kicking into gear as well. Instead of fighting her limbic response with another limbic response, I caught myself and said, “I’m going to shut your door and go back in my room. You come get me when you’re ready to be nice.” After 5 minutes went by I heard her door open and she walked into my room with her pajamas on. With her bottom lip quivering she said, “I’m ready to be nice now.” She had clearly cooled off and we were now operating back in the neo cortex. With that we proceeded with her normal routine of stories and prayers as if nothing had ever happened.
As a follow on to my previous blog titled “the Marshmallow Test”, the most important part of controlling your limbic brain is with awareness. Awareness around when another person goes “limbic” and when you feel yourself go there. Yesterday I received an email from someone that was clearly in a limbic state. My response was, “I understand what you are saying, but let’s talk about this tomorrow." Until someone cools off, it would be a complete waste of time for both parties. Whether you are dealing with a child, spouse, friend or colleague, I challenge you to learn to identify the limbic state in others as well as yourself. Never fight limbic with limbic.